It's hard to do nothing.

Sweet lord, it's hot outside. The weather in Montreal has been nothing short of fantastic. Hot everyday, not a cloud in the sky. Palm trees have sprouted across the city. Women stripping down to nothing and then pouring water over their naked bodies just to cool off. It's like a dream!

Wait.

It is.

The weather sucks. I haven't seen this much consistent rain since I watched se7en. And so it goes that I am indoors more than out. But today looks beautiful and still I haven't been outside. I stayed in bed to whole day. I'm writing this from the corner of my bed where I have pushed it up against the wall to make some sort of chair like area.

I'm on vacation. It's interesting. I've never really been on vacation before. When I imagine all the things I'm going to do on vacation it seems like the time I have is endless and the accomplishments epic. But I have a lot to do. It seems like a choice has to be made. Do I work on things I said I didn't have time to do during the year and give up my vacation or do I focus on rejuvenation. Both are equally and respectively stressful.

YOU:
"OH COME ON!!! Is this another blog where you complain about how hard stuff is?"

ME:
"Well, I was going to just talk about all the stuff I wanted to do and how lazy I am feeling."

YOU:
"That sounds like a complaint to me."

ME:
"But...I...Uh..."

YOU:
"YEAH!! Quit your yapping...blah blah your life is sooo hard"

ME:
"It is but... actually my life is pretty good. I mean who's life isn't hard?"

YOU:
"Shut up! Dance Monkey DANCE!!!"

ME:
"........wow!"


So as you can see...Everything is fine.




Here is some news about the "Biz" stuff. I just got a copy of the latest Dog Sitter Cut. It's Awesome. SO SO SO close to getting this picture locked. I have a tentative test screening this Sunday and we'll see how it goes. but I'm really happy with it so far. In fact I'm more happy with it now than I have been in a while.

The new script is coming along. Slowly but surely. It takes a lot for me to write but I'm getting there....Slowly.

I'm looking to make a few music videos. Anybody have a band that needs a video? Anybody? If you are interested let me know.

And the big news....

I"M MOVING TO L.A.

Yup. That's right! Though I just decided that right now. But I'm also deciding not to do that this year. Maybe after this year but I know I need to do it. At least for a little. But I think I'm going to have to move at some point to get more work. Right now I'm ok cause I gots me my full time job but that's only a guarantee for another year.

If I do go to Hollywood, I need to look good. I've lost about 20lbs since February and I've started running three times a week. (to eventually run a marathon). I bought some new clothes and I need a haircut but I'm feeling good about myself.

That's it for now.

p.s. Dad is doing ok. Thanks for all your kind words.


p.p.s. I try not to think about her but she stalks my dreams... I still miss her.

Think

That's it! I bit the bullet and I'm starting to write a feature. I don;t really know where it will go but I'm doing it. I have a pretty good outline for what I want to do and I think that it's going to be really good. VERY different from Dog Sitter. This one will be much less intense and edgy as far as graphic violence goes. I'm think something a little more Michel Gondry, PT Anderson.

Think Eternal Sunshine
Think Magnolia

I'm really excited to be doing this especially since Dog Sitter might be finished in a 2 to 3 months. I know I need to have something to show people if for some reason my film does well. I think that there could be this potential for interest in me after seeing Dog Sitter but that would be a really small window of opportunity and I have to capitalize on that as much as I can. Nothing worse than having this conversation:

Them: "Wow, Dog Sitter Kicks ASS!!"

Me: "Gee thanks Mr. Moneybags"

Them: "What are you working on now?"

Me: "I'm thinking about this feature, it's a great concept."

Them: "Great, send it over to my office on Monday for me to read."

Me: "Well, I haven't actually started writing it yet, can I send it over in a few months?"

Them: "Yawn, I tire of you...NEXT!!!"

So you see, I need to get this done. I have to get this done. I will get this done.

Think The Shinning
Think Throw Mamma From The Train
Think Misery

Although this new script won't be me pouring my heart out onto the page recounting the humiliating and life altering turn of events of recent, I will be incorporating some themes that I have been dealing with recently. I'm ready. I think it will be good and I won't be using this as a tool to seek revenge. I don't want that stigma atached to the script anyway. (Nor am I seeking revenge. What am I? Inigo Montoya?)

Think The Princess Bride

When I start new projects I like to wander around in the land of hopes and dreams for a little while so I can enjoy it before it crashes ina flaming pit of fire. What if I get the funding to make this movie? What if this gets awards and distro? What if I don't get to make it but I sell it. What if I get an award? What if I don't sell it but use it as a sample to get me a real writing job? What if I become a writer? Whoa!

Fun huh?

Anyway...I'm doing it and I'm enjoying it. I just need to finish. Thats a weakness of mine. I get excited about certain things but then I don't finish. Working all the time makes it hard but now that I'm single and pretty much in charge of my own destiny there is no excuses anymore. Thanks Lucien for some inspiration on this point!

Think Field Of Dreams



p.s. I just got a giant trampoline in my backyard and it's all different kinds of awesome!

Think Big

The Return!

My birthday cake at work!




Ladies and gentlemen.

I just reread my last post and although every word of that was true...I agree. It was a bit much and maybe not the best place to vomit my anger and sadness. There is a lot of Anger and A lot of sadness in me but I'm making great strides towards being normal again.

It was my Birthday this weekend. YAY!

I turned 29 years old. Do some quick math and you will see that means I'm in my 30th year. WOW! I totally thought I would be someplace else in my life. I suppose this just gives me more time to practice my Oscar acceptance speech.

There are a bunch of things I should make more time for.

- Cooking a meal for myself.
- Saying hi to people on Facebook who I don't speak to.
- Deleting people on Facebook
- Running in the mornings
- Editing these Dawson Videos
- Pant shopping
- writing in this blog

Y'know it's interesting. New years eve was so shitty this year that I just dismissed it. But my birthday is like a new start. It's like a new year by the calendar de la Adam

I saw a rough cut of Dog Sitter a few weekends ago. Jim from Urban Handed Works (USWM Videos) cut the show together. He did it for fun without a script and without knowing anything about the picture. He was pretty close to getting it. I think that means 1) He is an awesome editor and B)I too am awesome. But lets get back to number 1) Jim's awesomeness.

I always imagined myself editing this movie. During the making of the film, I would take a break and walk around the block. During this time I would visualize the entire film from start to finish. This really helped on set because I think I was directing like an editor. I've always liked editing...no LOVED editing. I could sit in front of my computer until I have blisters popping out of my corneas for hours and then pass out from profound dehydration. I would wake up days later not knowing where I am but grateful that little imps have come to save my life.

Where am I going with this...Outline people! Outline!

Oh yeah. So anyways, giving up the power of edit was something that I wasn't prepared to do. Then I saw Jim's work. He was pulling things out of the footage that I didn't see. It was cool. So he is going to continue as editor. I also realized that I'm still a nervous filmmaker. I'm unsure of myself and I'm really hard on myself as a result. So allowing another person to edit actually makes me feel better. I can be creative and give direction and feedback with ease. It's nice to feel a tinge of excitement back again. I'm not out of the woods yet as far as my lack of motivation and depression are going but I do think that getting back to this film is not only important but also strangely therapeutic.

I'm getting the urge to start acknowledging the need for a new script....

Italy and me.

I'm writing this entry from a hotel room in Florence, Italy. I haven't written for such a long time and I don't know why I'm writing now. A lot has happened to me since the last entry.

I guess I was excited to be in Florence because I thought for some reason this trip would make me forget. I'm trying real hard but it is proving to be much more difficult then I expected. Recently, after almost 3 years, my girlfriend broke up with me in, what I feel, is one of the most vicious and coldest ways possible. This has had such a profound impact on me that at times I feel like I am in physical pain. Up until recently I have been defending her. I'm not sure why. She was somebody who I truly loved unconditionally and I guess I needed to find a way to justify her actions to myself. I defended her when others wouldn't but I've come see that I am not as good a judge of character as I wanted to believe. There are no words to fully explain the extent of which I am hurt. I feel like the person I knew and loved has been taken from me and replaced by somebody I don't recognize, somebody with a different moral code. I cant help but feel that somehow I deserved this but I know I'm a good person. What is completely baffling to me is that there is still a large part of me that wants to hold her and say let's put this behind us and move on but the cold reality is that there is no more us.

This is the stuff movies are made of and songs are written about. Maybe bad emo songs but songs nonetheless. This city is beautiful. The kind of place people imagine being with their loved ones. Maybe that's why I'm on the verge of unravel. Then again, I've been on the verge for sometime now. As my heart was broken, my father was told that he has cancer. As I worried for him I found out my apartment might be demolished. As I searched for a home I was pushed further by the pressure of film work being pushed aside and building. I had lost a huge contract and then I lost my iPod. I wanted to run and be with my girl. Alone, I reignited a few bad habits.

Since all of this, there are positive updates; most importantly being that my father has recovered from major surgery (at least he is in recovery and is home and well.) I found my iPod, a contract is being reinstated and my house is just headed for major renovation. But even though this does help, the pain of loosing the love of my life has been a steady near-unbearable source of agony.

Ok ok! quit your whining! What does this have to do with film? Amazingly, this art form that love the most is something I can't bring my self to partake in. The events of the last few months have left me so unmotivated to produce any film work at all. So that's where I am at. I'm in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and all I want is the one thing I can't have. Who says artists need pain to create? I need happiness to be inspired that's who I am. I wish I could finish Dog Sitter but I think I have a lot of healing to do first.

And that's where I'm at.

Click, Click, Click

A whole month without a post?!? What am I? Some kind of animal? How could I be so cruel.

It's amazing just how much filming my short knocked me out! I'm trying to recover but I can't seem to get on top of things. It's crazy!

DOG SITTER UPDATE:

The footage looks great. There was an issue with the shoot in that it was accidentally shot in the wrong format. Nothing that will bring the quality of the shoot down but I have to convert the footage and it's taken the better part of a month to get it done. I haven't even started to edit. I think I would like to have the film completed by May the latest but I still have a lot of work to do. i.e. Editing, Color Correction, Monkey Loads of ADR, sound, music, Titles and credits and then a 35mm transfer. (Just kidding about the last one...but I wish!) All this and on top of it I need to go back with some sort of micro crew to film a few shots we missed.

WHAT ABOUT BLOOD? UPDATE:

This is the educational film about blood and blood donation. This film will be distributed across Canada and as a result, this could quite possible be the film I make that most people will see! The script has been approved and I'm starting on some pre-production in the coming weeks.

NEW PROJECTS UPDATE:

When Dog Sitter is ready to be seen I need to have other projects ready to go in case anybody is interested in me. I think there will be a brief window of opportunity to exploit to further my career and that means I need to start writing yesterday. I have a bunch of exciting ideas I think I would like to write another short during the Christmas break and then get a feature done by mid summer.







WORK WORK WORK:

I know this entry is boring. It's just a list of what I am doing and I think that this kind of parallels my life. This blog is just about work. I watched the movie Click last night. Although this movie was just awful and I only watched it cause it was on t.v. and nothing else good was on, it did ask an important question. How does a person balance between working hard to get ahead and taking time out for family, friends and relaxation.


I imagine that one day when I have a real film career I will have more of an opportunity to spend time with the people I care about. Over the past few months I have been sacrificing my social life to get ahead. With a full time job intruding on the day, my free time after work is filled up with either more work or exhaustion. I really like my day job and if film wasn't a factor I would want to stay here. But sometimes the comfort of a steady paycheck is a comfort that isn't fully appreciated all the time.


I hear that if you want to make it in this industry, you have to bust your ass. I guess I feel that since I am at work all day doing other things than film work I am not busting my ass so I have to make up the time after work. And then after I finish with that I want to relax a bit and that takes me until late at night when I'm too tired to do anything and then I go to bed with not enough sleep. There just isn't enough hours in the day.


I wish I had more time to do things. I wish I didn't feel like I'm constantly compromising. I wish I felt supported more than I am. I wish I had the energy to give more. I wish I had a schedule that worked for me. I wish I could see my friends more. I wish I could see my family more. I wish my girlfriend could understand how I feel, I wish I wasn't such a whiny bitch.


I'm not complaining about how much work I have, more so about what I am missing out on when I'm doing it. I suppose if it was easy it wouldn't be worth all this. Am I going to look back at my life when I'm old and regret the sacrifices I made? Or worse...what if I make all these sacrifices and I end up not reaching my goal and I'm 72 moping up people spilled drinks at the local McDonald's 53 pounds over weight, alone and cold.

What the fuck am I doing?

More Pictures!!

Hi everyone, 

Here are some more pictures.

Kelly and Farah

Kelly

Dusty

Kelly and Dusty

Kelly and Dimitri

Kelly and Dad

The production team.

Emory the sound man.

Special FX RCM style

Some Pictures...

Hope this tides you over...I'll put some more up soon.  

All photos are by cornershopstudios.com  

Kalvin the makeup artist. 

J.S. the Gaffer.

Emmanuelle Francoeur as Kelly

Me giving Emma some direction.

Val: the grip, Faisal: The producer, Roberto: Art Dec

Gabi the Director of Photography with 1st AC Blair.

Bourbon as Dusty

1st AC Blair putting together the camera.